Please note, this is all fiction and not based on me or anyone particular in my surroundings…
One have to start somewhere…
Let’s assume we are born, we grow up and all that, we have inkling that we are destined for big things, amazing things or at least to have a good life, fall in love and enjoy it a bit whilst we are around on this planet.
Let’s think this is ….. Sara, we can call her Sara, she grows up – she is the light in her father’s eye and turn out to be a great help and friend with her mum…
Then dad disappear when Sara is 10, he is nowhere to find. Sara and her Mum have to move, and fight for a different work and school life. The new school prove to be hard, but Sara and her mum fight and get on by quite ok dispise circumstances…
It is when the others start calling her name Sara realise that they do not like her and she start questioning herself… who is she really?? Puberty hit and slam down when she is the most vulnerable – Who is she?? Fuck why is every thing so hard… In school they call her lezza, they scream after her, many times she can’t play or be with the others when eating lunch or play outside/ Sara HATE school! She really HATE it! She does feel different, wrong, she is angry and she need to doooo soooomething!
She start to hang with others who hate school. She find others who are called lezza… dyke…. Lesbian…poof…gay and homosexuals… queer. Odd beings… not the norm… she hang with them… then there is that bigger girl, the one that come on to Sara, hold her hand, stroke her cheek, ask how the day have been… the other one Sara start feel at home with… They fall in love and at 16 Sara comes out. She is a Lesbian… or Bi? She still have those crushes on boyband guys.. She look at them and think ….’one day…’
Years pass by and Sara is moving out from her mum’s, she is moving into a house with other dykes, there is always a lot of discussions, giggles, hugs and meetings… Sara is still not happy. She have had sex with many other young and not so young women now. She is so Lesbian. Wear lesbian badges and have lesbian hair…and then
She start thinking… those guys in the boybands… did she really lust after them?? Or did she want to be like them??
She had heard of trans and she had seen transwomen walking by…. But she, trans?? No way – she was a lesbian. End of.
And then, jump to ten years later.
Sara is now Steve, have been on testosterone for 5 years, had the mastectomy but will not go further with surgery. He is starting to feel happy again, like when he was young and life was easier, so clear and obvious…
Ten year went by when Sara became Steve and those years were filled with questions, drama and insights. With coming out and explaining, mostly for himself. For a long time he did not engage with lovers, but lately he has started dating again…
He had to start somewhere….
And for a few year he refused to go to all the places and hangouts where lezzas dykes and others from his past might hang…
But don’t you worry, this is MY fictional story and I decide Steve eventuall ymiss all his friends and will be back…. and we will give him time.. 😉
We all need to tart somewhere.
We all do.
We are not born ready.
We are not born as the finished product and human being.
We move and develop
We test things
We believe in things whilst we test them
But never ever should we deny others to be certain of one thing… then come to insight and change mind and body.
Life is not always a long straight line from A – Z
We might do it in a different order all together, but one thing is clear. We have to start somewhere… So, please never diss ANYONE when they are on their journey… in a few months/years it might be you.
‘Wotever at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, for “drag kings, queers, women, mtf, femmes, trans, butches, queerbois, gay, drag queens, dykes, bisexuals, ftm, men, straight… Wotever”. Enough said.’ Wotever mentioned in the Evening Standard today. And a chance for all who are starting, knowing, celebrating and/or just be themselves to find out about us. http://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/call-me-keira-twicenightly-becoming-a-bearded-lady–la-eurovision-winner-conchita-9361637.html
I AM WHAT I AM – but I might change outside whilst time fly by…
My name is Ingo, I am 51 years old, dyslexic and with another language as my first, so be prepared it might be a bumpy ride and a grammar police’s nightmare. My thoughts are mine and I only represent myself. I run Wotever World as Gender and Drama is my Passion!
This was Day #13 of my Blog Challenge.